Learn the 2 Words that Will Sabotage Your Dog's Behavior and Undo Your Dog's Training
Despite all the dog training you've done with your dog, your pup is still jumping on guests, begging for food, or even stealing items off counters and tables. You've worked hard to address your dog's behavior, but it feels hopeless. What gives? Discover how 2 simple words can effectively destroy your dog's good behavior, and how to get your dog's behavior back on track without resorting to bribery or forceful methods.
Dog training is pretty simple; working with behavior is a different story. When changing behaviors, there can sometimes be quite a bit of slogging through negative behaviors, unfortunate patterns that have developed, and mindsets that need to be addressed.
Fortunately, the dog's behavior is much easier to work through.
The Mindset of Dog Training
I frequently encounter clients with similar problems: their dog jumps, barks, or drags them on a leash. Perhaps their dog is counter-surfing. They've put immeasurable amounts of time into working through these behaviors, but nothing seems to work.
However, within a few moments after meeting their dog, I show that leash walking is a breeze, the jumping has ceased, and I've put multiple treats out without the dog even looking at them.
What gives?
Simply put, it's a word mindset. More importantly, two specific words that I never use.
Two Simple Words Create Canine Chaos
When walking into my client Mayden's house today, I quickly noticed she was cognizant of her dog's issues. Hanna, a gorgeous, rather large pit bull, greeted me at the door, with Mayden desperately trying to hold her dog back at the end of a leash.
Though she was failing at the task at hand, I was happy to see she was aware of the problem (namely, jumping and lack of impulse control). Rather than letting Hanna rush at me paws akimbo, she at least attempted to guide her dog's behavior.
I asked Mayden what her goals were with her dog.
"I want her to be able to greet guests without jumping on them. I know she only wants to say 'hi', but it can be overwhelming." Easy enough.
She continued,
"I'd love to be able to walk Hanna. She pulls me so we can't even make it down the driveway. I think she just wants to investigate everything, but it's unmanageable."
Yikes. She just used the two words that will derail your dog's training: "only" and "just".
Now let's be honest, there are much, much worse words that one could be using in mixed company and if you've ever been on one of my free pack walks, I'm sure you've heard me string them together with an eloquence even Shakespeare would be envious of (pro tip: keep your curses in iambic pentameter).
Back to two dog training words I hate: "just" and "only". It's not the actual words themselves, but rather what they represent. You're trying to trivialize your dog's negative behaviors, and it starts interfering with how you perceive a situation.
Try stating each of these phrases out loud:
Harvey Weinstein wants to cuddle with you.
Harvey Weinstein only wants to cuddle with you.
By adding "only", I've made it appear that his request is reasonable and that I'm the bad person for not wanting cuddle time. After all, he just wants to cuddle! Is that too much to ask?
Now put that mind into your dog's behaviors:
Your dog wants to sniff.
Your dog only wants to sniff.
Your dog wants to see what's in your pockets.
Your dog just wants to see what's in your pockets.
The "only" or "just" puts the weight of the behavior on you, not your dog. You're the baddie for not indulging in what your dog "only wants" to do.
Working Through Your Dog's Negative Behaviors
Negative behaviors require a gentle negation not positive reinforcement.
The example I always give is parents at Target with their small children.
If a child throws a tantrum at Target, do you blame the parent and start judging them? No. However, a good parent will see their child is overwhelmed and will take action.
Said action does not include buying them the item they threw the tantrum over.
Little Henry just wants a candy bar. Lily only wants her favorite cereal. Is that too much to ask?
So the wee little goblins get their cereal and candy bar, and now that bar has been lowered yet again. And this cycle plays out in perpetuity.
What Tommy and Lily required was a negative that was set in a firm, loving, and gentle way. And yes, sometimes that will trigger a tantrum, but I will not negotiate with a terrorist.
Placation is the enemy of positive behavior in dogs and children.
But a good dog owner is like a good parent: they don't want to have perfect kids, but rather want to guide and shape their kids' behaviors toward positive ends.
How does this apply with dogs?
With my client Mayden, she very quickly saw that she had been placating and maneuvering around Hanna rather than trying to communicate with her dog.
Mayden begin to understand how her body language, steeped in supplication for good behavior from Hanna, was contributing to Hanna's negative behaviors. Mayden began to realize that Hanna just wanting to greet guests didn't make Hanna bad, but that she still wouldn't be allowed to do so just because she wanted to.
Yes, Hanna only wanted to see what was on the kitchen counter, but that behavior wasn't going to be tolerated any longer, and she would receive a gentle negative for this behavior.
And once Mayden had that paradigm shift, things changed.
Hanna started to respond quickly to the new rules Mayden set. Mayden followed through on these rules, and believe it or not, Hanna loved them.
Hanna finally developed impulse control.
Now that Hanna was a calmer dog at the door, guests wanted to greet the polite pit bull, creating positive feedback for positive behavior. She was able to engage with the family more and seemed to be steeped in positive reinforcement, with only occasional calm, gentle negatives given to help guide and shape her behavior when she needed help.
Conclusion: Dog Training Differently
We all want our dogs to live happy, fulfilling lives. In order to make that a reality, we can't keep lowering the bar for their behavior, as it creates anxiety in our pups and inhibits their ability to exercise impulse control, both of which are the basis of dog behavior.
Setting your boundaries and then following through with them will create a happy, calm, and well-behaved dog, and allow you to enjoy a bond with your dog that is based on trust and love, rather than bribery or negotiations.
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