The young man knows the rules, but the old man knows the exceptions.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
“Is it okay that my dog is on the couch?”
“Can we play tug with a rope toy? Or is that wrong?”
“We’re using puppy pads. Is that bad?”
Questions like these from my clients make me crazy. No, not because they are asking me questions, but because somehow they got it in their head that there are hard and fast rules to “dogging”. They get a dog, and the first thing they want to know is what the rules are. All. The. Rules.
Because obviously, if something isn’t complicated and supremely structured, it doesn’t work. The more rules, the better you’re doing, right? After all, it’s been working for the DMV.
So obviously, rules suck. Unless you’re a dog owner, and then you want the rules. All the rules. Well, you want ‘em? You got ‘em.
Before I tell you the rules, let’s review the steps to working with a dog, in any capacity. Whether stopping the barking, teaching them to sit, or maybe something a little more intricate.
Everything starts with these steps:
1) Control Yourself.
Controlling yourself means you are calm (even if only on the outside). You are using confident body language (stand up straight!). You are not yelling, or even talking.
2) Control the Situation.
Meaning if you can’t stuff 10 pounds of dirt in a 5 pound bag, why are you trying to stuff 15? Stop, take a look at the current situation. For example, if someone is at the door, but your dog is there barking, jumping, and, well, being as hyped up as a hummingbird on coke, do you have control of the situation? No! Then don’t add any stimulation (such as opening the door) until you have control. Answer your dog’s question about the door, and then move forward when you have control. Reboot if necessary. Wash, rinse, repeat.
Okay, now that you know the playing field (controlling yourself and controlling the situation), now for the rules.
I use a mix of negative and positive. The same way you do throughout your life. I asked my husband it was raining outside He said “no”. That’s a negative My daughter asked if she could go to a friends house. I said “yes”. That’s a positive. Think of it as a game of “hot or cold”. We call this Piloting your dog.
Rules of When to Use Negatives
1) When you don’t like what your dog is doing. Yes, seriously…it’s that easy. Ask yourself if you like the behavior your dog is giving (barking, jumping, or just laying against the fridge that you are trying to open), and if you don’t like it, give them a negative. Remember your dog isn’t bad. Dogs are incapable of being bad. They are perfect… for a dog. They just happen to suck at being human.
And guess what? You probably don’t make a very good dog.
So let’s jettison the whole “Good/Bad” thing…and the gun. You’re answering questions for your dog, not deciding if the questions make your dog “good” or “bad”.
2) When your dog is “yo-bitching” you. Now there’s an interesting term: ”yo-bitching“. What does that mean? It’s when a dog slaps you with their paw. Or jumps on you. Or pushes you out of the way. It’s the human equivalent of saying, “Yo, Bitch, gimme a cookie.” Or “Yo, Bitch, that’s my chair”. Vulgar? Absolutely. Acceptable? Never. You wouldn’t accept a human addressing you like that, so don’t accept that from a dog. Dog’s are perfectly capable of using polite, “May-I-Please” body language. Start to demand and expect it at all times.
On to the positives!
1) The come command/recall. Positive, people. Give your dog a good reason to come when you call.
2) When you are asking your dog to be human. Think about what one dog will tell another dog. Things like, “Go away”, or “Let’s play” or even “That’s mine”. But dogs don’t teach each other English (“Sit”, for example). They don’t housebreak each other. So if one dog can’t teach it to another dog, and you’re asking your dog to be a little bit human, you must use positives.
3) Calm. This is the most important, most overlook opportunity for positives. I want calm to be a like a lottery ticket: You have to play to win (you’re probably not going to win), but unless you have a ticket, you definitely aren’t going to win. That ticket is calm. The more your dog has the “calm ticket” the more likely he is to win. So if he’s calm, give him a gentle positive. Anything from chilling out on the floor, to trying his best to be calm at the vet. Reward the effort. Progress, not perfection.
So there you have it. That’s all the rules. When to give positive and when to give negative. Everything you ever needed to know about how to work with your dog.
But I didn’t address your questions from earlier?
“Is it okay that my dog is on the couch?”
“Can we play tug with a rope toy? Or is that wrong?”
“We’re using puppy pads. Is that bad?”
Yes, I did! About the couch, think about the negatives. Do you like what your dog is doing on the couch? No? Then give him a negative. Don’t care that he’s on the couch? Well, then, neither do I, as long as he isn’t “yo bitching” you to get up there.
Playing tug with a rope toy? Cool! I love a good, rough game of tug. My husband doesn’t. I encourage it. My husband negates it. Remember, ask yourself if you like the behavior, and if the answer is “yes”, go for it. If the answer is “no”, then negate it. Just make sure that you have your limits adhered to. My Sparta is allowed to really go at it with me when we wrestle…until she isn’t When I feel things have escalated too much, I simply give her a negative, and she stops.
Puppy pads? If it works for you, it works for me.
In short, nobody should be telling you how to enjoy your dog. My dogs are allowed to beg from the table, as I frequently give them a small amount of table scraps. But once I’m done with them, they are given a negative, and they know to stop begging and stay away from me while I eat.
My dogs, like yours, are only here for my enjoyment. They make life easier, and so much sunnier! Don’t let a book full of rules tell you how you should be enjoying their company. Make sure you are indeed enjoying your dog, and not merely tolerating their behavior. If you don’t like their behavior (say, getting up on the couch), it’s up to you to answer your dog’s question (“Can I sleep up here?”), and set your own rules of how to enjoy your dog. The rules will differ from house to house, but the enjoyment will be constant.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m about to snuggle in bed with my dogs while I share my snack of cheese and crackers with them. I’m tired from all that rope-tug I played with Sparta.
Kerry Stack
Darwin Dogs
Dog Training in Cleveland, Ohio